(v/a) -::last words of an abused child::-

I don’t want to die
but I’m going to
I mean
mom and dad didn’t like me that much anyway
during youth
consistently reminded
with
backhand slaps
forward kicks
forceful terms of endearment
my favorite
- I wish that you would walk down the street and get hit by a car -
through time I found that
I didn’t need to walk far
everyday
an 18-wheeler jackknifed inside my living room
spewing garbage
gifts of true voice
feelings; unwrapped
from: mom and dad written on the side
all because I reminded them of
- the hard times
each stomp and scream
would really mean
- boy I wish you were never born
I’m tired of working four jobs
my feet got corns -
daddy never really came home
he was too ashamed; frustrated
that I couldn’t be another woman for him to beat
I had to be a son
whenever daddy did come home
he would knock me on my head with a beer bottle
and mom would laugh as I pick up my teeth
place them inside my pocket
I would look towards the front door
wishing to be
outside
instead
inside
darkness resides
their words:
I hate you
if you had stayed inside
I
I
I would have
elevated my mind
smoked weed
bought cars and dresses
spread around my seeds
but no,
here you come
with a big ass head
looking like your mother
wish I could bust you in the face
like I do her
but you aint worth it
fact is
you aint worth shit
stuff on the bottom of my shoe
that’s what I got for you and your ass
with a little heel for some added class
thanks
mom and dad
for taking out on me
what you couldn’t see
wasn’t my fault at all
your words
helped me grow into
the animal that I am today
I see you in the crowd
not even looking my way
can’t you see
the lives that I took
where in honor of you
just trying to get attention
like when I was a kid
you would’ve been proud of my murderous rampage
the burning memories of a child
used as fuel to excite fear into victims
before the final knife thrust
in death I trust
so I sit still in the face of it
even in this electric chair
I learned from you
that I should never shed a tear
so I don’t
forever set up in jail
big guy over there
wearing the blue
wry smile
bout to hit the juice
send my soul to Lucifer
thrown into the eternal fire
20 murders
paid in full
all with one pull of the switch
my body
shocked
then
violent
twitch
my life ended
just as mom and dad wanted
papers read
Monster executed this morning at 10:22
to his murders he gave no excuse
I couldn’t read it
lost my eyesight
from years of your Verbal Abuse

rollover sex

10:31pm
I am dreaming
white capped waves
smashing against stone enclaves
engorged peach
juices trickling down cheek
strawberry and cherry Jell-O kisses
topped with whipped cream; chocolate chips
frozen ice melts on nips
forming wrinkles around tightened skin
hairs stand straight on end
sweat mixing in
with silk and latex
air fills with aroma of
beautiful sex
brown and black
mixing
twisting
biting
backs
toes
arched
internal fire
spark
external moans
waves through bones
repetitive body shudders
words in foreign tongues
uttered
a sickness
caused by
the rushing
water sloshing
gushing feeling
of sweet
release
cum remnants
freed from their dark prison
traveling down knee
shared with wet sheets
seconds pass by as
heat rises inside loins
of captive vessels
chin firmly nestled in shoulder
resting; nuzzled
breast shoved into chest muscle
gasps of air
paint pillows with
auburn shades of wet matted hair
the spider webs locks
tie hands and arms
into upright positions
legs create playboy shadows on walls
in this rollover free for all
your touch stirs me
your wetness
frees the beast inside
next scene
seems like
drummer enters room
flesh being beat upon
brat a tat tat
brat a tat tat
tat a tat brat
start remixing the track
headboard cracks
bed falls
we fall
clock falls
damn
it reads
12:31am

Whispers from the trees

sitting in class, reading through a history book
I find myself drowning in handed down university gossip
it seems as if historians and presidents shined lights on our past’s shadows
leaving entire passages whited out
our words washed away
fibrous
blood stained
splattered; stretched ropes remain
formed into nooses once used to release spirit from anything black
dark flesh rots
ripped; torn apart
on the bark of trees bearing negro fruit
the trees limbs so laden with innocent souls that
lifeless toes touch blades of grass on their ascent to heaven
I sit in my chair under the arch created by the hanging tree
and search around looking for messages dropped to the ground
from hands clenched tight together; holding onto their last breath
pain riveting from the neck down to their blood stained coverings
I am listening to the trees’ whispers
uttering
last prayers of the dying
free me
free me
oh heavenly Father
free me from this place
where my skin color has become the measurement of my livelihood
I look around and find spots of blood
remnants left over
from post mortem beatings
not red but purple stains remain
the type of blood that exists only inside the veins of royalty
those of my past’s kings and queens
now reduced to a slave mentality
lifeless bodies hung on trees to catch the summer breeze
left in a way
to teach dem other negros lessons about wanting to be free
that’s what the massa say
well now massa is telling me another story
he teaches democracy
and how it has always existed for the right of human beings
he goes onto say
we will enforce democracy
like
the pilgrim’s thanksgiving on plymouth rock
and stuff it down the throats of anyone not willing to eat our words of subjugation
well
subjected we were
to plantations
tilling mother earth’s creation
until finally
raping her of the opportunity to grow us out of here
here
in
this
foreign country
this
place
we once never knew of
a mind will always revolt unnatural surroundings
what you called disobedience
our ancestors called
survival of the quickest
I turn the page in my history book
and find it blank
my pen starts to write a new history passage
recycled words dropped onto the soil that my ancestors watered with their own
blood; sweat
urine; tears
from bodies hung in the summer breeze
becoming fertilizer for our future
producing Whispers from the trees

krazy love affairs

light auburn
describe
eyes; skin
as I
look in her direction
she returns
a sultry; curvaceous
smile
creating
sweaty palms
joined with
nervous cousins
of shiny beads
around my forehead
10 fingers
grasping tightly
to the pole
as the train prepares to stop
her stop
she
stands
glances
in my direction
as if to say
something
but
nothing
shyness grips her cheeks
the burning sensation
melt her lips closed
she can’t speak
damsel in distress
flashes across her chest
but he
the courageous one
offers a hand
in her verbal quicksand
excuse me miss
did you forget something
then
my brain
begins to
offers passages of
lyrical blessings
the words flow off my lips
like water from a fountain
game
set
match
what time will you be by?
she asks
back to reality
I am caught off guard
been day dreaming
gone somewhere
as my alter ego took charge
see
if I haven’t explained
I have a problem with the ladies
talking
approaching
kissing
all of the things included
with the opposite sex
seriously
when the time comes
to seal the deal
I run and
hide inside
this great
big old head of mine
then it’s his turn to shine
that dude
with the
I know you want me
attitude
the salesman that’s always closing
always leading the pack
never roaming
sexually charged
testosterone bully
standing tall
fully
erect through it all
he’s mastered
every single
cat call
so
when women hear his growl
panties fall
when he starts to speak
knees grow
clumsy
weak
putty in his hands
this super
krazy
lover man
with soft
inviting hands
he reaches out
and places
assurances
upon
asses
of luxurious
dames
never ashamed
never assuming
just resuming
where I left off
I am not a supporter
of the fact
happen to feel
the opposite of that
I am guilty
of pimping my mind
to get me to places
my own words
can not find
living
in
this
dual personality
one part
mild
one part
krazy
but they don’t seem too care
the endless
headless
women of my
krazy love affairs
they feel involved
with a two for one deal
like
rkelly and jay z
best of both worlds

Dont kill the messenger

the messenger arrives/burdened with notes they have sent/he said, she said, we said
my head/fills with caricatures of/children’s nonsense
words written/verses roasted over hot coals/spitting vowels of
conjoined hatred/dark mirrors show reflections of/competitive natures
drop of blood remains/dried to the carpet/stabbed in back by
lyrical prophets/crucified words/become resurrected
arranged and twisted/remixed around/ensuring the devil’s profit
words/used as swords/slay giants of human folklore
help/create change in human life/what we are here for
love, honor, respect/grow to rich/from poor
use words as fire/light the path/ahead of you
never walk in the dark/let words/spark
conversations of fellowship/brotherhood/write scenes
that smell good/not putrid/excrement of satan’s pits
train minds/to become/harmonious confines
create/verbal concubines/married to
positive messages/youth can inhale/dissect into written passages
scribed in scrolls/pages of text books/scrawled on walls
hung on plaques in the hall/words that will not fail/now or tomorrow
my page/is torn/eyes perplexed
feeling/spirit hexed/between
doing right and wrong/help me sing new songs/raise the bar
loving arms forever wrapped/around the waist of our future/for decades long
my word is bond/I can keep going on/but the messenger is out of ink
voice strained/from screaming/yelling to an empty room
head bowed in disgust/over what we think is us/doing right by the lord