night residue

We have allowed lies to infiltrate our fragmented mentality and become truth, we have allowed mediocrity to become the majority;
yet we ask what happened to this society and its youth.



how can you learn to let go when you’ve been conditioned to hold onto everything


the sum of one

how could you ever think that zero was better than one
I mean in terms of a young man; one father to me was better than none any day
the holy father will always be; his essence isn't obligated to be counted as any number except totality
but while you were young and I was too, you obligated yourself to another family and never looked back
brother heroin, sister coke and father time
having revivals every night
while I grew and matured you wallowed and stood
stagnate, white dwarf hanging in the evening sky
your light slowly fading as the years pass you by
and here I exist;your oldest son
-magnificent; transcendent of my genetic demise
wings flapping; like an ancient warrior riding on the back of a dragon
rising from the flames of scorched souls and bad habits
I am in rewind, thinking of all the good times and memories inside
but I am stuck on zero
lonely tree standing in the woods, cleansing fire came through
young; loose cannon with no direction; just hate fueled by rejection, loneliness and loss of aspiration
my soul forced to love alone, I was scared but now I'm grown
so now, as I stand above you, I can see that death can bring life
your spirit has taken on the shape of another and the winds pick up outside
- litter blows by the sidewalk stoop, a car horn blows nearby, 
- an old man is asking for change and the morning whistle of the first train blows out of south station - 
you are free to fly amongst the birds in the sky
free to gaze at the world passing you by
all that anger and conflicted emotion has been thrown to the side
and I can finally smile
the sum of one will always be one
when there's nothing added to it


I'm stuck

nothing but the whispers
whispers of ghosts in the dark damp night
in the darkness
my hands are bound

watch me as I spin round and
possessed; flesh ravished by demon hounds
not a hint of light can be found
trapped in a box 
6 feet 
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
I'm losing my mind 
my heart has taken over my  thoughts and...
it's reminding me of what I cannot hide
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
I'm stuck
bottomless pit; heads on a stick
above ground, pigs; but here, humans on the spit
roasting and choking
getting fat on the apple
soul slowly pouring out like candle wax
leaks on the napkin; 
what happened you ask
why am I in such a place
sold my soul some time ago 
Egyptian woman/hourglass shape
she'd showed me love and the path to worldly things
our lives interlaced like ink on the skin
there was a child born of the second summer in fact
babe had eyes the mother but born with wings on its back
death traded the child's first breath for its last
the weight of the world bore down on poor mothers soul
and in the fall her body hung cold
found by my reflection
and screams of rejection
rejection that the reflection would not remain lonely for long
I would follow her to this new purgatory home
because a life taken before it's time
will sleep eternally with a restless mind
and she could never alone bear this burden of mine!
I'm stuck
I'm stuck

we are together again


in whispers

just the thought of being able to hear your voice again -
brings tears to my eyes
So instead I;
think out loud
in whispers



:staying alive:


barely able to carry me through
I stay lifted
beyond necessity
my third eye stays clouded shrouded in sadness
due to the absence of her; seeping from my skin

the pain shows true
I am lost
like a babe in the woods with no sense of mind to find his way home to his palindrome:



Sometimes, I don't have words for the way that I feel and I have to rely on images and other types of mediums to get me through a blank spot. My words usually come, raw and uncensored or detailed and organized. Either way, they are the words that I use to relay to the world my thoughts and emotions, simply put, how I feel inside. Loss of something or someone is hard to overcome. You can choose to forget and move on or you can deal with the issues up front, I am stuck somewhere in the middle and it is a horrible place to be. The past year presented itself in a way that I would never want to go through again or wish upon my worst enemy. I lost and lost - a lot. Whether it was my love, my mother, my friends, my business or my children, I lost everything that I cared for in one calendar year of time. Nana used to always say to me when I was a young man, "If you think that you are doing bad, just look around and you'll find someone in worse shape than you are." She would follow with, "At least you have your health and you can breathe and you are above ground." Wise words for an old sage of a woman, I can still smell her when I think of her. 
- my mind is convoluted with distrust, head on a swivel; looking around
what if I already exist as a corpse above ground, a ghost, floating and hovering, passing through tangible objects just to get through the day. What if, I am already dead, an apparition of muscle and bone that is lost, searching for his home. An aborigine, looks like my ancestor, whirs his bull roarer and - puff -- I am no longer - just dust floating through the spacial emptiness of time. I spin and turn, waiting to be caught in the escaping wind but instead I find myself intertwined between the feathers of Icarus. I cannot help but to weigh him down and together, spirit leaves body again and we drown. 

I cannot change the labyrinth in my mind, it is here that I exist for now
now is never forever
 - this is where I exist for now
but now is not forever
it is here that I exist for now

and to those that have left....  



- Have you ever been in love with someone so much that you started to hate them -
because they didn't love you back the way you wanted them to

she used to tell me this
before I began losing her

my words

my words
are that
...my words

they have no emotion or feeling until the are reflected off of the way you feel inside
if you do not like my words
change the way that you feel inside
because I will never be


for any man
- ever -
and that’s
my word